When I bought my ’92 Camry last summer, it didn’t come with an owner’s manual. In fact, the only things in the glove compartment were two small, white plastic screws, which I only could hope weren’t essential to the vehicle’s driving capabilities.
At the time, I was 21 and assumed that my 5+ years of driving experience would enable me to turn the key and put it into drive without the assistance of that missing manual. In fact, I have been able to do much more without the guidance of some silly booklet; I’ve checked the oil. I’ve added wiper fluid. I’ve even checked the air pressure in the tires. These are all things that I did not need to look up in order to be able to do. I relied on all my previous driving experience, all of the things I had figured out on my own over the years, and a lot of hesitant assumptions.
It’s these problem-solving skills obtained over years of trial and error that have served me well. But what if I had only driven a car one or two times before getting into my Camry? What if I really had no idea what I was doing? Would I have gotten into a car accident, or would I have figured it out?
I like to think that I would have figured it out. And if all else failed, I would just imitate what they did in the movies (because in movies, driving doesn’t look hard at all…they hardly even look at the road.).
Does this same logic apply to all areas of life? Or just driving? Getting into that car, I knew what to do because I had done it before. Thousands of times before. So what do I do now with all these new life experiences I’m dealing with? I need my manual.
After four months of singledom I still don’t know how to navigate this newly discovered world I’ve entered. (For anyone reading who doesn’t know, I was in two ,back-to-back, long-term relationships which, combine, have taken up the larger part of my adult life.) Do I just assume that I’ll figure it out eventually? Using trial and error to potentially make a fool out of myself along the way doesn’t exactly seem like something I’d like to be put through.
And sticking with the car analogy above, if all else fails I could just imitate what they do in the movies. Problem is, I can’t think of one movie that actually imitates life – at least life as far as I know it right now which is single, recently graduated, unemployed, and unsure of where I’ll be living in a few months. Discussing this with a friend recently, she pulled out the obvious suggestion of “do what they do on Sex and the City.” This plan could work, I’d only have to change a few things, nothing drastic, just become a size 2, move to Manhattan, and find a career so I could afford to meet men in chick cocktail lounges.
The lives that most of my peers and I are currently leading is not really reflected in the modern world of entertainment. We’re all either recently graduated or still in college. The highlight of the week for many of us is $5 all you can drink night on Thursdays because we’re far too broke to afford any other nights out. We’re working shitty part-time retail jobs until the recession is over and companies decide that an inexperienced 22 year-old is a good investment. We think that a frozen pizza for less than $2 is not only a good deal, but delicious. We are not Sex and the City, we are not Gossip Girl, nor are we anything else I have seen on television or the silver screen.
I’ve got nothing to follow. I’ve got nothing to imitate. I’ve got no manual.
At this point, I can only hold out hope for a time when relationships start with conversations, not red Solo cups; and when dates, well, when dates actually exist.
I’m ready to move on from these toxic relationships based upon lies and secrets, but I’m not sure that this can be done here. Not because there aren’t men here, and not because I couldn’t be successful here, but mainly because I don’t think that this culture is very conducive for the steps I need to happy.
Since I have no manual, I’m going to make this all up as I go. I’m optimistic.
After all, my car is still in great shape.
