This is a test.

In an effort to blog more often, this is a test.

I normally blog on adrenaline. Meaning, when something HUGE happens, I write about it. My mind is racing and my fingers can't keep up. But the rest of the time, I'm here with an open page and nothing particular to say. So tonight I'm just going to go with it. Try it in reverse, perhaps. Maybe typing really fast will kick in the adrenaline and all the sudden I'll have something to say.

The reason I want to start blogging more often is, of course, because of my inevitable departure from Wisconsin, and consequently, my best friends.  Having lived far away (which will soon hold new meaning) from Hannah for quite some time, and now with being separated from Maggie, I know that daily phone calls are not always as easy as they sound. Unfortunately, we're to the point where phone dates need to be set up (not that I don't enjoy them when they do happen, I just wish our schedules allowed them to be more frequent). So blogging is one of the ways we will stay connected. And like any good friend would do, Ange buckled under our peer pressure and will be starting her own blog soon too. Even is she uses it to post ridiculous things like "Henry VIII I am" song videos, or better yet, "Carlos? is that you?", just being able to read that in a blog throughout my day will help with that disconnected feeling I anticipate I'll have. All four of our blogs are very different (or will be when Ange gets hers). They're very unique to each of us, and I when I read them it's like the girls are narrating it in my head.  This skill is, of course, obtained after years of finishing each others sentences and anticipating answers to questions that haven't even been asked.

I feel this is becoming redundant - a blog about blogging. But I can tell the experiment is working; when I stop typing, it's like my blood cools down and the background noise around me comes back into my head.

We'll move on to a recent obsession Ange and I may have developed. New York and Co. How we have not found this store before is a shock to me. I, for one reason or another, always assumed it was pricier. More like Express. Nice quality, trendy, work type clothes, going out clothes. But it is not, pricey that it; all those other things it most certainly is. My purchase from yesterday... the sleeveless boyfriend jacket. I'd describe it as a vest, but it's belted and adorable.

 

In the store they had it on display with a white t-shirt underneath. It looked adorable, but knowing me it will be a colored shirt. Oh, and the best part - it was $7.99. Yeah, I know.  Originally $49.50, it was on some crazy sale (just like a lot of their stuff) so it was a steal. I haven't tried it on yet with my many outfit options, but I can envision it with black dress pants (like in the picture) or with dark denim, and jade green tshirt, and possibly a bangle bracelet.

Speaking of jade green...

  Picked this up last week after getting my hair cut. I'm a sucker for greens and blues. And since Hannah's wedding when I picked up my first OPI, I'm a sucker for OPI. Unfortunaly, this color has one of the more boring names. "Jade is the new black." I disagree with the statement, and with the name choice. But overall, OPI is very creative - so kudos to them. Their website, by the way, is phenomenal. If you've never been, I suggest taking a few and poking around. I've got this color on my toes. And after almost 23 years of existence, I still suck at painting my nails. But I do my best.

The blog prior to this was one of panic and anxiety. I now feel balanced at the end of this one. All of the problems from that post still exist (and have since expanded), but I do need to acknowledge the good, nonstressful parts of my life. Like nail polish, fabulous sale items, and BYM blogging.

Week four.

So, you know, in war movies, or alien movies, or any movie that involves good vs. evil, there is some sort of all encompassing button (red, it's always a red button) in a plastic case that will kill the bad guy. And when it gets really dramatic, they flip open the lid and sort of hover their hand around it, waiting til the last possible second to fire the missiles, or rockets, or laser-whathaveyou. Then they hit the button, and switchboards light up, things explode, people cheer, etc., etc. Are you still following me?

Good. Well, lets just say I've definitely flipped open the plastic case. I'm not quite hovering over the button, but talk to me on Friday and we'll see where this scenario is at.

On my lunch hour I started to freak out. I all of the sudden realized...I don't have job, or a place to live, or any real idea of how I'm going to be paying for this great Atlantic adventure I'm about to embark on. So I called financial aid. They don't have my paperwork. What? You don't have my paperwork? But I sent it in months ago? Oh but oh course...this shit happens to me every time I apply for financial aid. The loan gods must hate me or something. The next phone call: Columbia Plaza Housing Program (GWU's "on-campus" graduate housing).  Spoke with a very nice woman, Bonnie, who explained how the whole process works. I have to call back everyday on my lunch hour until they have an apartment for me, or until I give up, which ever comes first. I'm not even sure I want to live "on-campus" anymore. I did the math. For what it would cost me to rent a one bedroom apartment for the year, I could get my undergrad degrees again. Yeah. That's a hefty price to pay to be downtown in DC. But is it really worth it? I get the downtown experience, which I want, and I'll be more likely to meet people from GWU, which I need to do since I know a total of 2 people on the east coast. (Well, I know more than that, but of those people there's only about 2 I could legitimately hang out with at this point. I've got a lot of people to reconnect with. But 9 years is a long time to not really be in touch with someone, especially when those 9 years involve high school and college. People change a lot.)

Back to the apartment dilemma. The apartment search is limited by the fact that I don't know how much money I am going to have for the fall; and by the fact that, if I choose not to live "on-campus", I have no idea what area to move to. What's a good neighborhood? There's a lot of different boroughs (I'll call them that only because I don't know the DC term for the very specific neighborhood. So, sorry NYC, you'll have to share the term for the purposes of this blog) to choose from and all I know about them is what I can find on the internet.

The job dilemma: I need one. My classes are at night in Alexandria, VA (that's why I continue to refer to my housing option as "on-campus", because my classes are at one of GWU's satellite campuses, not the main Foggy Bottom campus where the graduate housing is) so I will have the time to work 40 hours a week, assuming it's standard business hours. I've been following a blog for a while, DC Public Affairs + Communications Jobs and it's great stuff. In the 45 minutes I spent today looking for jobs, I found 2 full-time salaried jobs that I am legitimately qualified for.  So more on that later this week. I've told my partner in crime that I'm not allowed to do anything except apply for jobs and apartments this week after work. I don't have job number #2 again til Saturday so I'll have my evenings to work on this stuff.

 It's way past my grown-up/real job bed time so "Week Four" will have to be cut short. The absence of "Week three" wasn't intentional, just didn't have much to say. Probably a clear sign that I wasn't thinking about any of the above dilemmas.

So by Friday I am either going to sign up for an apartment "on-campus" or serisouly persue other options - because this process can't go on forever.

If I need to start looking for alternative options, my hand will definitely be hovering closely over the red button.


Side note: For anyone who is a "bad" movie buff like I am (don't judge me, it's genetic), the metaphor at the beginning of this blog is based on my memory of Independence Day, Armagendon, and Mars Attacks. All alien, war, bad-asteroid movies involving the inevitable red panic button.

Week two.

I'm home sick. And by home, I mean La Crosse.

Or at least I think I'd be if I had more time to think about it.  I have been so busy with both of my jobs that I spend about 9 hours a day at home, and only about six of that sleeping. The hour I have after work (like right now as I'm typing this) is just about the only time I have to decompress, think, and just be. I have no problem with running from job to job and working weekends, I've been doing it practically since I was 16; just interchange one job for school and add on The Racquet and you've got 2006-2009 of my life. And I know it will all pay off when I leave for DC with no credit card debt and a little bit of savings, but right now it kind of sucks. I never see my siblings, which is like the main reason I moved home this summer (well, secondary to not having to pay rent) so that makes me sad. I'm hoping that it just takes us all a little while to get used to our new summer schedules, then we'll have time to each other. But that's a stretch. I feel like I haven't seen Ange in weeks. You get used to seeing a person all the time and all the sudden it's like once a week. (Although even as I type this I am realizing that this is all pretty good practice for two months from now when I'm living along in DC, still doesn't help the fact that I'm here now and still can't see the people I want to.)

But I do seriously miss La Crosse. And I do consider it my home. I lived in Greendale full-time from August 2001 to September 2005, then sporadically from December 2005 to January2006. I lived in La Crosse from September 2005 to May 2010 (give or take a few months from freshman year when I came home for summer and winter break). So, I have lived in La Crosse for about as long as I've lived in Greendale. Which do I take claim over? My family is in Greendale, but this isn't the house I grew up in. Physically, yes, it's the same house (well, sort of. there's been a lot of renovations, deconstructions, and waiting periods between renovations) but everything about it is different. My mom married Brad February of my freshman year, so when I got back that summer he was living here. And ever since then thing shave shifted and I always felt like a stranger coming back for long weekends.  I obviously love my family, but my La Crosse family means just as much to me.

I miss seeing people. Like actually seeing them. I feel like I talk to them just as much as I did when I was in town, but the form of communication is different. As much as the next chapter of my life will exciting, I know it will be equally as sad.

But, I digress.  Working a lot will pay off, I know this. I've got a good plan set up to pay off all of my credit cards. As soon as I get my safety deposit from my apartment in La Crosse I'll be able to put a real nice dent into one of them, and hopefully from there it's smooth sailing.

I'm going to start a new addition to my blogs, good news/bad news/good news. Short updates on my life for those of you I can't talk to about everything on a daily basis.

Good news: Maggie comes to Milwaukee of Friday night!
Bad news: The people at my new Kohl's store are very negative.
Good news: I might actually get a new cell phone...more on this to come.

< 3 AW

101 update

I've recently been able to cross quite a few things off so I thought I'd update the list. I'll be putting a little commentary next to the most recent one.

Start date: November 16, 2009

End date: August 13, 2012

Professional/Career

1. Graduate from UW-L

2. Get into grad school The George Washington University!

3. Be published in something people will actually read

4. Move out east

5. Buy a Mac Book Pro

6. Get a job in publishing  I now work for Reader's Digest!

7. Have professional headshots taken

8. Create my professional website

9. Write a recommendation letter for a friend/co-worker

10. Send an update to my favorite professors when I've "made it" after college

Family

11. Go to Rocky Horror at the Oriental with Carly

12. Have a N64 tournament with Matt and Ryan

13. Go camping with my Dad

14. Visit Carly when she's studying abroad in Europe

Friends

15. Have a farewell Tour de La Crosse with Mitch and Megan It was epic.

16. McDonald's breakfast with the BYM girls

17. Come back to La Crosse for Oktoberfest with the girls

18. Celebrate my golden birthday with my best friends in a fabulous city

19. See Boondock Saints 2 with Laura

20. Go out of my way to help a friend complete a # on their list

21. Find a piece of sports trivia that Chris doesn't know

22. Have another Dream Team camping/tubing trip

23. Go shopping with Hannah and not buy anything We went to Kick. It was painful.

24. Go to Iowa City with Sara

Beauty, Health, and Wellness

25. Grow my hair out to the length it was when I graduated high school

26. Swim laps at the YMCA at least once a week for a month

27. Actually follow through with coloring my hair

28. Reach my goal weight

29. Go one month without drinking any alcohol

30. Get my eyes checked (and then probably get glasses)

Food and Drink

31. Make a chocolate angel food cake (by myself) for my mom's birthday

32. Eat at STK

33. Drink a dirty martini

34. Host (and cook) a family dinner

35. Make my mom's stir fry (12/05/09)

36. Go to State Fair and eat only food on a stick

37. Cook gnocchi

38. Enjoy a picnic in the park Ange and I hiked the bluff ad brought a lunch. It was beautiful, and tasty.

39. Write down an organize the family recipes I love

40. Bake a pumpkin pie, from an actual pumpkin

Destinations

41. Go to a baseball game at Fenway Park

42. Drive on the Beltway (around D.C.)

43. Go to the beach and actually go into the ocean

44. Take the train/bus down to Chicago with Carly

45. Gamble in Vegas

46. See a play on Broadway

47. Have my picture taken in front of 245 E. 73rd St, between Park and Madison, third brownstone on the right

48. Buy something from Pat Field's NYC store

49. Take a road trip (driving home to Milwaukee doesn't count)

50.Go to Calverton with Carly, Matt, and Ryan

51. Drink a beer at Cheers in Boston

52. Visit the Today Show while it's filming

Finances

53. Consolidate and begin paying off my student loans

54. Sell my cello and save the money for moving out east

55. Open and contribute monthly to a savings account

Just for fun

56. Go ice skating at Red Arrow Park in Milwaukee

57. Re-learn how to ski

58. Get a tattoo

59. Get my face painted at a carnival

60. Ride the sky lift thing at Summerfest

61. Rip open a feather pillow just to see the feathers fly

62. Pour a drink on some asshole in a bar

63. See Weezer in concert

64. Find an appropriate occasion to wear my sequin t-shirt dress again

65. Win Monopoly

66. Date a wonderful man

67. Take a ride in a hot air balloon

68. Pet a lion

69. Be a bridesmaid in another wedding

70. Wear high heels all day, every day for a week

71. Go to a drive-in movie

72. Watch the sun rise 72 and 79 were all done in the same night. It was the most fun I had in a while. BYM love. 

73. Skinny dip

74. Play my cello one more time

75. Build a house of cards (12/04/09)

76. Buy Maxwell a kitten friend

77. See Say Anything in concert

78. For Halloween, go as a couples costume with my manfriend

79. Pull an all nighter (I'm hoping this isn't accomplished while working on my senior project) It didn't. Hannah and Ange and I painted the town (and Ange's hair).

80. Buy myself a nice piece of jewelry for no specific reason

81. Reunite Mocha (the badgercub) and Maxwell It didn't go well. 

82. See Motion City Soundtrack in concert again

83. Take a multi day canoe trip

84. Turn my cell phone off for one whole day

85. Want to catch the bouquet

86. Slap someone (who deserves it) across the face

87. Buy the perfect little black dress

88. Add something to my blog at least once a week (for all 1001 days)

89. Buy flowers for someone

90. Subscribe to the New York Times

91. (private)

92. Compile a list of all family and friends' addresses

93. Donate everything I don't want when I move to either my siblings or charity (in an attempt to not take stuff I don't need out east)

94. Volunteer at an animal shelter

95. Create a new list to start the day this one ends.

Learning/Self Improvement

96. Change a tire

97. Find someone with a dark room and see if I remember how to develop a photo

98. Buy bookshelf and begin to establish my epic book collection

99. Re-learn how to drive a stick shift car

100. Create a filing system and organize all my grown-up paperwork

101. Take a self defense class

New (caffeinated) obsession

I'm not a big coffee drinker. By genetic default courtesy of my father's side of the family, I lack efficient enamel on my teeth, so coffee isn't really the greatest thing. But every once in a while I need a caffeine boost, so I'll try coffee-type products. I've found a few I like, but of course they either seem to be way too many calories or way too expensive for everyday consumption. But this morning I found something fantastic. Starbucks Doubleshot Vanilla Light. $1.89 (and that was at Pick N' Save, the most expensive store in the area so I'm going to shop around), 2 Weight Watchers points (which is great as far as coffee drinks go), and delicious. I'm hoping they sell them in bulk at Sam's club. If they do, I plan on keeping a case of them under my desk at work.

So in the words of my good friend Hannah, I raise my mug (although in today's case it was a can) to you, Starbucks. Even though you're mostly an evil corporation who charges too much for everything at your coffee houses, today, to me, you are god.

Week one.

Well, I've survived. And, for several reasons, I'm not sure I can say things are much better than that.

I'll back track a bit, but mainly jump around my mind as usual.

Moving sucked, on every level possible. And I'm not sure how there was still fluid left in my body after sweating so much in the damn heat, but I still found a way to cry practically the whole way back to Milwaukee. I didn't listen to music. It was a three hour car ride and I didn't listen to music. I didn't want a song or artist to me permanently associated with the sadness of having to permanently change my residence to something other than La Crosse. So I didn't listen to music. It didn't seem to matter though. If it were on I wouldn't have heard much of it anyway. I don't have AC in my car, so I had all 4 windows down. It was in the high 80's all weekend and extremely sunny. So sunny that my left arm will perpetually be tanner than my right because of the tan I got during my three hour car ride.

I got the Dream Team little presents when I left. They were belated graduation presents, but I procrastinated giving it to them because I knew I'd write a sappy card to go with it. And I only felt like being sappy once, so I used it as a "see you later"card as well. (I called it a "see you later card" because I'm not dieing, just moving, so it's not goodbye) And just like I procrastinated the gift giving, I procrastinated the card writing. I literally waited until I was on my way to give the gifts to them. My mom and the U-Haul were already on the freeway back to Milwaukee, so I headed over to Java for one last time, got an iced tea, and busted out the cards. I proceeded to ball in the coffee shop. Not just cry, but a full fledged sob (silently, but still the same force of tears), so I sat there, facing the window where noone would see me, and wrote their cards with my sunglasses on. Thank god I will no longer need to be a regular customer there, because I am now embarrassed to go back. Mary's was easy. I tell her how much I love her all the time. In fact I think I told her and everyone at Shooter's last Friday night several times how much I loved Mary Malahy.  Chris' wasn't so easy. I literally could not even write everything I wanted to for fear of soaking the card with tears.  But I think he got the point regardless.  I know sunglasses don't actually help hide the tears, but to me it feels like I have a shield up and the world shouldn't be able to see it. It's all a facade though, and I know this. I made it relatively tearless into my car and around the corner after the goodbyes. But I sat at the corner of 12th and State for at least 3 minutes crying before I could see to drive.

There isn't a particular reason I'm writing about all of this. I didn't talk to anyone about it really, so I guess this is my way of processing it. Until I write things down they float around in my brain, endlessly repeating themselves.

Home is about as to be expected. The first few days were nice. About the same amount of time as a regular visit home, except I have my bed, Max, and all of my clothes there. So after night number three it didn't seem like a regular trip home. It just seemed weird. Some days here are better than others. All has to do with Mom's stress level due to Brad's current joblessness. At times I think I've figured out the whole equation that = her yelling, but today I got it wrong so I'm back to square one. One thing I've for sure figured out is that a white lie works better than the truth in most situations. Is it ethical? No. Is it easier to deal with 99% of the time? Hell yes, so all four of us do it. Some better than others. I loose my temper a lot around here. It just happens. All kinds of shit happens here that would never happen at my apartment. Like a muddy puppy jumping on my clean khakis. Or I cut my foot on a random piece of wood on the basement floor in the part where the lights don't work. But these things are normal here. The yelling is hereditary.

I'm extremely jealous of my best friend's pseudo non-relationship. I'm a troubled person, I know this. I just would like some sort of infatuation. I know it's not a good idea. I'm leaving in two months. Getting into something is a terrible idea. Forbidden fruit. I want it more. The logical thing to do would be immerse myself in my new (dream) job. But right now I still don't feel like I know what I'm doing. Give it another week, I'll be flying solo, and wanting to work overtime. I know it. It's just how I work.

Much more to say. All blogged out for the night. Bed.